Haul of the Quartermaster
Chapter 2, Part V
Written by Victoro (Dan)
Our climactic confrontation promptly gave way to my team's various squabbles. Artemi mourned his dead brother as if he had just dropped his ice cream cone. Mews stormed after Katrina in a murderous rage, but then chickened out; maybe she was worried about contracting her fleas?
Then, Aerhead was pitching a fit because Stand-Up Guy had put Mews to sleep to stop her from killing our foes. I was so distracted by the melodrama, that dandy Darwin was able to loot 200 gold from Chuck's body before I could! Yet in the face of Aer and Mews' indignation, Guy was able to placate them with an assortment of colorful gifts that were very stretchy and helped reduce stress. All was forgiven!
On our way home from the shindig, pandemonium reigned in the streets. But there was some sad news: Owen's parents must have finally hired a babysitter, so they sent a letter telling him to come home and do logistical work. I was upset at this development; he was always a very good decoy. Fortunately, he was instantly replaced by a new member of the Mercy Unit: a black Tabaxi monk named Nix. He had an accent that was even more bewildering than Artemi's, and spoke about how he once burnt down a monastery. I'm more of a burglar than an arsonist myself, but he had a roguish aura about him that I found charismatic. But at the age of 38, Nix is practically at death's door!
As a parting gift, Owen gave me his fancy goggles that help me see in the dark. Now I feel like the legendary thief Sam Feesher, from the notorious gang Cell Splinter! Aer checked on her old man one more time, then we went back to camp.
At camp, chaos erupted. Artemi threw a magical temper tantrum after Aer tried to touch his newfound dagger and Guy had to put him to sleep. I only wish Guy would put me to sleep, I'm tired as hell! I tried interfacing with Benson and Beatrice about our findings; their negligible guidance was expected. Our new kitty cat helped gather firewood and kept watch for the first shift of the night.
Speaking of potential firewood, that girl Violet showed up and woke me up in time for my guard shift. However, we noticed that there were no longer guards changing shift at the mysterious tower. We knew that tomorrow would be our chance to strike.
But then things got rather macabre. With help from our prudish paladin Guy, our questionable cleric Aine performed a ritual where she asked the severed head of Chuck Shuck about how to infiltrate the tower. She learned that a fellow named Rezna of Dreigull is the new boss and that the explosive liquid in the manor was a profitable energy source called Glimmer, made from refined Element 707. Then, she ate his brain to learn his memories! It wasn't even refrigerated properly, she just ate his brain like it was foie gras! With clerics like these, people wonder why I'm a heathen.
We used a disc to activate a portal into the tower, a bit unnerved by the lack of guards around the base. In the cramped corridors of this sinful citadel, we found invisible bug creatures that were only visible to Darwin. Igniting them with his Pixie Pyre (or whatever it's called) we were able to detect and defeat them. They honestly made me soil my pants a tad, but at least they weren't bumblebees!
We then started raiding the infirmary. After showing that primordial cat Nix a thing or two about lockpicking, I was able to find a trove of health potions. Sadly, my convalescent comrades instantly took them from me! At this rate, I'll never make a profit. The others went down the hall and I heard Artemi yell something about creepy-crawlies in the next room. I then heard Darwin call Artemi an "ugly fuck", which I thought was truly uncalled for. Nix ran after them, but I was in no mood to waste so much energy to kill a few spiders. Someone needs to comb this place thoroughly for treasure! Now, where the hell is the opium?